Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
