How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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