he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
