i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
