the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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