the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
