Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
