Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
