I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
two words...techno handjob
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
