I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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