Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
