And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
