So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
