btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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