am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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