Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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