As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
