hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
