Don't you send me to vm
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
