K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
