the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize