Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
