my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
