Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
