i just had sex bonerless
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
