I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
