So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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