I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
