i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
