I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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