i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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