you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
