I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
