I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
