she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
