I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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