I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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