R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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