So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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