Who did Billy Mays play for?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
