Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
