he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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