I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
