Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
