I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the condom got lost in my hair
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
