You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
