Your face is a jimmy john
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
