I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
