Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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