He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Let's paint friendship bongs
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
