I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
