my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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