its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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