The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize