when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
