it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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