What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
