the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
